It’s no surprise that most people engage in premarital sex, but
one new study found that even if we look at surveys going back for
decades, we see the same prevalence of the behavior.
Yes, it’s normal to have sex before marriage, meaning that almost
everyone does it. After all, there are few things more tempting than the
urge to make love with the new guy you’re falling madly in love with.
But is it healthy?
As with all great questions, the answer is: it depends. Here are the
factors that make this normal behavior either healthy — or not — for you
and your relationship.
1. Age at first sexual experience. A new study
suggests that individuals who have their first sexual experience later
than average may have more satisfying romantic relationships in
adulthood. According to the study, individuals who waited to have sex
beyond age 19 reported less conflict, more enjoyment, and greater love
and affection with their partners.
The younger you are when you have sex for the first time the less
likely you are to have stable relationships later in life. Because
teenage relationships are inherently unstable (how can you know who you
want to be with for the rest of your life at age 16?), most of them
break up, often abruptly. The resulting trauma tends to be lasting
because you are not yet as emotionally resilient as you will be as an
adult.
The other risk with teenage sex is learning unhealthy patterns of
relating. Due to the immaturity of partners at that age, it’s likely
that you will ride the emotional roller coaster up and down with the
drama of being “on” one week and “off” the next. This creates highs and
lows not unlike the ones associated with drug use. Because the brain is
still forming as a teenager, you can cement an impression that this is
“normal” for relationships, causing you to seek partners later in life
with whom you re-create that instability. Sometimes that leads to a
syndrome called Love Addiction.
Last, but not least, young people tend to be less informed about
sexual health, resulting in teen pregnancies and the transmission of
STDs. The bottom line is this: do your best to put off being sexual
until at least age nineteen, for the best overall life and relationship
outcomes. Regardless of the age at which you begin having sex, the next
piece of advice will help you make better decisions about your sexual
relationships.